A little cockney teaser. Clue: it’s about my drinking days and the joy of sobriety 😉
Days-a-Dawning Manhole Covers and Skin and Blisters 🙋🏻♀️
I used to be an Elephant Trunk and, every night, I would be Brahms and Liszt. I could get Uncle Willy, Dads Army and/or Alan Border. But mostly, I fell Bo-Peep on my Kangaroo Pouch. This happened daily in the Cat and Mouse and I would Duck and Dive the Kitchen Sink. I’m ashamed to say, sometimes, I’d get in the Jam Jar and Bee Hive to the Bottle of Pop, avoiding the Bottle Stoppers for more Calvin Klein. I’d ignore the Fisherman’s Daughter in my taps.
Occasionally, I’d take a Ball of Chalk, down the Frog and Toad to the Rub-a-Dub (The Near and Far) for a Tumble Down the Kitchen Sink. I’d also stand outside, in the Pleasure and Pain, taking Collar and Cuffs on my Oily Rags (the slang for what we call cigarettes in the UK – just thought I’d clarify 😉)
Some nights, I’d end up on my Bottle and Glass and, every Dawning, my Lump of Lead would be splitting. My New Delhi would be queasy and I was permanently Cream Crackered. Many work days were lost due to being Tom and Dick. And as for the Fish Tank …. I was always short of Bees and Honey.
For a long time, I was in the River Nile but, then I got Lemon Tart and started an Unscheduled Meeting of the Bag of Yeast. My Hattie Jaques have gone, my Bo-Peep is improving (and is actually in my Born and Bred – Uncle Ned just didn’t sound right here! 😉)
My Boat Race looks younger and my Mince Pies are shining. Once I get my Hampstead Heath fixed my Sandy Lyle will be fully back in place. My Jam Tart is now full of love and happiness. My memory is no longer Ricardo Patrese. I love my Rosey Leas and Melton Toffee. I feel Adam Faith and, at last I feel I am at the Gates of Rome.
And here’s the Barry Crocker – I cannot find a rhyming slang for sober 🤷🏻♀️ #cockneyrhymingslang #cockney #alcohol #sobriety
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